The waiting is the hardest part (?)

I should be working on my JavaScript tutorials, but I’m waiting to hear back from someone to determine whether I have to go to work briefly this morning. I wasn’t planning on going at all, as I had no one scheduled, but sometimes you need to make someone’s hair shorter. So I wait to find out when.

I’m feeling really good about the tutorials though. I’ve been taking my time, but am more than halfway done. Better yet, I’m not really getting stuck. A bit, here and there, but I’ve been getting un-stuck on my own pretty easily. Not only not needing to post forum questions, but not even really needing to look at the forum questions at all.

Beyond that, the waiting is the hardest part. Or maybe it is finances. Waiting is super hard. I mean, other than this one thing I may have to do today, this week (work) is essentially over, I won’t be back in until next Wednesday. Then I am down to only 4 more weeks. Which feels like forever. But the financial issues are … complicated as well.

I was (unsurprisingly) not selected for a scholarship. I don’t mean to be negative/pessimistic/whatever but I’m not surprised because I can’t think of a single time in my life when I’ve asked for help and gotten it. I remember applying for a grant to go to school over 20 years ago – I was 20, had been living on my own for 4 years already, and really just did not have any money to speak of. I was able to pay my rent and feed myself, but that was about it. No savings, no credit. But my parents had made too much money for me to receive a grant. My parents! Who I hadn’t lived with for years, and who certainly aren’t required to give me any of their money (and they didn’t.)

I know I’m not a crackbaby who grew up in the ghetto, but no money is no money. I couldn’t get anything a few years ago, either, when I thought maybe I’d go to traditional college. I thought as a woman who wanted to get into technology (even though that wasn’t as big a deal as it is now just a few years later) that there’d be something for me. Yeah, my husband makes decent money. But we have essentially been a one income family for … well, almost the entire time we’ve been together, really. When we were first living together, he didn’t make much, and as he made more, he encouraged me to work less for my physical well being, and eventually (sooner than later) I was making little enough that it barely even counts. So his income pretty much just covers everything. There’s no extra money for school.

We also got turned down for the joint loan that we applied for. We’re having a bit of an issue with credit scores because of an emergency room visit last year that didn’t even cost that much. The person who takes your insurance and other info fucked up and didn’t actually get any of it. So our insurance was never billed for the ER, or the doctor. We got a bill for the ER and straightened that part out, but didn’t realize that there’d be a second separate bill for the doctor and thought that was the end of that. Which it wasn’t. I still am not exactly sure what happened, because we were later told that they didn’t have a billing address for us, but we got one bill and not the other.

The really weird part is that we never got a phone call either. At least not until we got one from a collection agency. When we did, we took care of things on our end right away, making sure the insurance company got a bill and sending proof to the debt collector. Even that was not the end of that. Just the other day, more than 6 months after we thought things were taken care of, and more than a year after the initial ER visit, we got another call from the debt collector, even though the debt has been paid, because no one told us that WE have to send a letter to the billing office asking them to remove it, even though it has already been paid! Is this really common knowledge? Would most people know to do that? I can’t imagine.

This all ends up sounding really whiny I suppose, but I need to get the frustration out of my head somehow, and this is the only way I know how to. I’d like to remind myself, if all this goes south, that I really did make a genuine effort to be smart about paying for school and I really did try to not drain every last available resource to do it. Best case scenario, our tax refund shows up soon (it’s already late) and we can use all of that to finish paying for boot camp and then start over fresh (maybe with better credit) for the development accelerator. Maybe in the next 4 months before that starts, I will also have been paid back some money I’m owed, and that will be that much less that we’ll have to figure out. At this point, it looks like we’re using the last of our available credit to pay for the boot camp and then hoping for those other two things to arrive in the next four months. I’m not comfortable with that. I was really hoping for a scholarship and a loan, so that we’d have some available credit and would be able to put the other money in our savings account, but as of right now, unless something changes, we’re literally going to be using every last available dollar to pay for this.

This is where that leap of faith comes in, that somehow, it’s all going to be okay.

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