I am a very busy, active person. I have a hard time sitting and doing nothing. I can sit through a movie, no problem – that’s doing something.
But I can’t even just ride in the car for very long without having something to do. For short rides, it can just be looking at FB or IG on my phone, but anything longer than about 15 minutes requires a magazine, and anything longer than about a half an hour probably requires a book.
So I’m having a pretty frustrating time right now, since I decided to stop waiting for Ada, and in my weirdo mind, that meant: THINGS ARE GONNA HAPPEN.
I mean, it’s been less than a week since I applied to CF, and I got an email to schedule my interview on Wednesday. Of course, my literal, robotic way of thinking told me that when they said “choose a time at your earliest convenience”, tomorrow would be fine. So, 2 of the days I chose have already passed (yesterday and today) and of course, today was that deadline for the scholarship. So, this morning I called. And I felt bad about it, but I thought, well, what if there was a problem? Because in all honesty, I made a little mistake – it said to put your top 3 choices for times, and I put 4. I mean, that didn’t seem unreasonable, since the first time I chose was the following day. Even I realize that probably wasn’t realistic, however, I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity if it was available. So my weirdo mind is telling me that they’re not getting back to me (and aren’t going to) because I didn’t follow instructions. Rational me says “That’s silly, dummy!” but anxious me keeps insisting that it’s not, that it’s a test, and if you’re too dumb to follow simple instructions, why would they give you an interview?
So I called. And the person I spoke to was really nice and said I’d probably get a response today.
It’s still super hard to wait for, as I have all these other plans that I feel like are falling through. Like, I’d be fine if I had other stuff to think about, but then I’m not going to go do all these things, so I’m going to be hyperfocused on it, and it’s going to be bad.
Especially since I am waiting on other things based on this, and other things that are unrelated on top of that.
It’s hard to not be able to give notice at work because I feel like I can’t do it until I’m sure. And I know it’s standard to give 2 weeks, but it’s a little different when you work for yourself, and I’ll have to fold up the business, and it’s REALLY hard when you are dealing with clients, some of whom you might not see for 8 weeks, and they say stuff like “See you next time” and you know that there very well may not BE a next time for them.
And then, here’s a funny one – so I haven’t really been able to use the car for about the past 6 weeks for reasons to complex to go into, which is pretty frustrating on its own, but then if I start CF in 6 weeks, I won’t be driving the car on a regular basis anymore anyway. Basically, at this point, it seems like I won’t get the car back until my husband gets a work vehicle, but I feel like they’re going to give him one the day before I start boot camp, so I’m going to endure the longest possible period of frustration for nothing. At the same time, one of the things I need the car for is to run work errands, go pick things up for work, but doing that also seems pointless if I’m not going to be there long. But I don’t know that yet, do I? So, it’s all around a circle.