Procrastination.

So, I got my interview at Code Fellows scheduled – funny thing… Out of all the days I chose, I was scheduled to do my interview on the ONE day I did not choose. But, I decided that I wasn’t going to even think about re-scheduling it, I just sucked it up and re-scheduled a client at work, which I never do and I hate doing, but I guess if all goes well, it’s just not going to matter in 6 weeks, anyway, right?

I’m still pretty stressed out. According to the website, I missed the scholarship deadline for 3rd quarter scholarships, so I don’t know what’s going to happen there. I suppose if I have to finance/pay for something, it should be the boot camp, since that is only half as much as the development accelerator.

I’m also having a terrible time being motivated when I’m in this purgatorial state, not knowing what is going to happen. While I feel pretty confident I’ll get accepted, it’s still feels really fuzzy and intangible without hearing the words, and having the financing in place. It also doesn’t help that I am working on the Perfect Workflow tutorials for Sublime Text 2, which is so far, the hardest thing I’ve come across. Learn Ruby the Hard Way was challenging (but fun) and Git Hub has been a bit mind-boggling, but PW is hard to keep up with since I’m only just barely familiar with Sublime Text at all, and then it seems like a lot of the stuff he shows you is add-on stuff that I just don’t even have installed (?) and sometimes trying to get to where you can get it (if he even shows you) is so tiresome because there aren’t any links to just copy and paste (which is where the Git tutorial is easier.)

As soon as I’m done with it, I’m heading straight to the HTML at Codecademy because I will feel like that will SO.EASY! by comparison. Not to mention, FAMILIAR! and FUN!
I mean, just like Git, Sublime is cool, and I realize that it’s going to be awesome to use once I get used to it, it’s just that getting used to it is tough. I know once I’m using it all the time, it’ll be great. I see all these functions (like Snippets) that remind me of back when I was first learning 20 years ago, and I’d see some JS functionality that I liked and I’d either C&P it from the source, or track down one of the websites that offered free scripts to create dynamic menus, cursors, etc. and then mess around with them until I figured them out and made them do what I wanted, and I gotta say, having re-usable bits of code built right into your editor seems AWESOME. So I’m looking forward to REALLY using it, it’s just tough to make myself go back to that tutorial right now.

Consequently, I’ve been reading Ada blogs. I have an alert set for Ada news on Google, and the other day, I got an alert about an article/blog post on geekwire by one of the current “Adies”. I’d already read one other piece by her, and this one linked to several more of her cohort’s blogs.

I pretty much skimmed most of them, I really do not need to go down any major rabbit holes right now. Some are more interesting than others. Some are pretty technical, some are more about life now as an Adie, some are a bit woe is me. Again, LOTS of discussion of imposter syndrome. And I get it. It’s not like I never have any self-doubt. I’m sure boot camp will be hard. I *hope* it’s hard. I’ve been coasting on auto-pilot for so long now, one of my biggest complaints in life in the last several years is how little use my brain gets. And that is my biggest concern is that my brain has atrophied. Sometimes I feel like it has when I’m doing the Sublime tutorial, for sure. And I mean, I am kind of old for this. I was pretty shocked to read in one of the blogs that the oldest person in the current Ada cohort is 38.
THIRTY EIGHT.
And not a single one among them has kids. Not that I identify myself strongly by parenthood, and I almost feel like it doesn’t count anymore since he’s legally an adult and graduates HS this week.
I was intrigued by the comment that was made regarding the lack of mothers in the group, which was along the lines of “How would you make time for this if you had kids?”, which I found to be a bit baffling. Women do amazing, complicated, time-consuming things after having had children all the time. Plenty of women with more than one go to work full-time and go to school and who knows what else. Not to mention, the exclusion of someone my age, who is essentially already done parenting.

The other thing of note was all the mention of people leaving their lives and jobs behind. I’m lucky that I live in a city in which I can apply to multiple places to do this, but that’s about where it ends. I’ve been doing the same thing for 23 years. I’ve been doing it at the same “place” (working for myself) for 10. While I may be leaving behind a profession I’m not into, and a lot of things about it I don’t like, it’s still a weird feeling to make a change. Plus, I will be going from working very few hours per week and focusing on taking care of things at home to 40+ hours a week, and OMG WHERE IS DINNER COMING FROM? (and how is the laundry going to get done, and did someone pay the bills, and and and…)

Anyway, I think I’ve gotten past the point in which reading about the current Adies is hard. I honestly don’t know that I would want to be one of them at this point. I’m actually looking forward to Code Fellows and hopefully being in a group that is less focused on who we are and more focused on what we want to be. Not to mention, the more I think about doing that for that length of time, I think I’m really going to appreciate the brevity of this program.

Interview tomorrow. Fingers crossed that everything goes as I hope.

 

ETA: I just got an email (right on cue!) from Code Fellows to read a 5 part blog series called “The 42-Year Old Coding Virgin“. I already read part of it the other day. Even this guy isn’t (quite) as old as I am. I do like his posts though, and it just reaffirms my feeling that I’m going to be happier at Code Fellows.

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